he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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