I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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