I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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