how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
