I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
