fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
