Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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