The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
