who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This house was built for laser tag.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
