so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
