Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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