you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
