tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
