Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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