What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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