my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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