Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
