Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
