i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
