Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
