We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
