she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
