Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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