do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
