There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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