Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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