if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My ATM looks so different sober.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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