Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
