i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
