He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
