I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize