I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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