I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
