Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
