Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
