Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
