we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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