Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
