I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
