If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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