omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
