i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
