I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
