Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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