She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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