I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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