somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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