and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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