So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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