our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
