I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
