There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
