Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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