I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
