no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
