I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
