Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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