We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
