he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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