I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
