So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
