i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
