I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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