oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
