I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
