Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
