its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sex in a hospital.. check
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
