i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize