DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
