So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
