I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
