shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
