I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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