is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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