So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize