Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
